How can I leave verbally/emotionally abusive husband?
My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and been together 4 years. I am now waiting on him hand and foot. Every job I have gotten, he is there on payday. He takes me to cash my checks, then takes all the money. He yells at me a lot over small things, but hasn’t hit me. I have a friend in another state willing to let me move in, but I have no way to get there. It would be on me to buy a bus or plane ticket and get to the nearest bus station or airport (both over 30 miles away). I have tried to leave him before, and each time he has chased me down and forced me back under his control. He has told me many times that he wants a divorce, but when I get a new job, things are great. I’ve also caught him trying to cheat, but he keeps denying it. Can anyone help me figure out a way to leave without committing suicide? My family won’t help me, his won’t either, and I have no friends nearby.
Stand up and walk away there are woman’s shelters dedicated to people in your situation.
Your husband sounds like a pimp. Get out now!
Ask the friend who is willing to put you up to loan you the money you need to get there. Next, get a restraining order, just in case he tracks you down. Then get a job, pay her back, and try to move on. Good luck.
ok well first of all i would def get a divorce, but for the ride, i would see if ur friend can pick u up to get u outta the situation or post on classified ads that u need to carpool and explain the reasoning such as on craigslist.org. best of luck to you! i would help if i lived closer to u.
Go to the police
OMG i’m sorry. I have been there and you just have to leave, as hard as it is. You will look back someday and be so proud of yourself. You deserve so much better.
Like Nike says…” Just Do It
Take your wedding ring to a pawn shop and buy your plane ticket with that money. If you are leaving him you wont need the rings anymore right? Please find a way to leave him before you have any children.
You really need help… you can go to a woman’s shelter.
If you want your personal items, maybe pack them and take them somewhere to store before you leave.. that way you can get them back.
i’m sorry for your pain.
wow id tell the police..but if that dont work..cuz police sometimes suk..id get out of there wen he least expects it..wen hes gone u leave..and sumhow..ur gunna hav 2 find a way 2 save up money for ur ticket w/o him knowin..so id either get a secret job where u can get the paycheck or hav family helpout..and him being verbally abusive cud turn into physical abuse..id leave him as soon as u can..and make sure he cant track u down..
He hasnt hit you YET but im sure thats next…If no friends or family are willing or cant help then go to a woman’s shelter.
You call the police. When the come to take him away, you call a lawyer to set up your divorce. While he is in jail, you leave the state. I would call the police while I was at work on a payday so they can pick him up before he has the chance to take your money. 30 miles can be a very short cab ride, especially if the person chasing you is slowed down by a concrete cell and men with guns. Have your lawyer serve him while you are the h*ll out of dodge. Press charges too. And put a restraining order on him.
PAY ATTENTION:
step1) Call the damn police!!! That is why they are there, “to Serve and Protect”
step2)Stop handing over YOUR money and just leave.
step3)Stop looking for bastards when you are making your next choice for a mate.
Well, thats all you have to do. You may think I have over simplified it, but the reality is that it is just that easy, and you will NEVER be free until you do something about it yourself.
Move in with your friend. I hope there are no kids.
Okay, next time you get paid, lie to him and tell him you will be working later than you actually are. That way when he comes to pick you up, you will already have your check and be gone. Go into work, pick up your check, and leave. Get a cab, go to cash your check, and go to the bus station or the airport.
If you aren’t able to do something that elaborate, then you can check with womens shelters in your area.
Call your local domestic abuse hotline for guidance and help. I made the mistake of thinking that they would not help me since I was not physically hurt, but I was wrong. They will be there for you… CALL.
You need to find a way to get the hell out, before your picture ends up on the side of a milk carton.
Find a friend who will be willing to come get you, and then file a restraining order against him.
Suicide is definitely the wrong answer. The fault lies with him, not you.
google women’s shelters, and help for abused women, in your area. abuse always gets worse. there are people who are waiting to help you, reach out, please.
first try marrige counciling… i hope that helps I am sry for your trouble
The simplest thing to do, go to the cops, tell them you think this problem might escalate, dont tell ANYONE where your headed, your number or adress. Go without notice all of a sudden , in the middle of the night, if you already told him you would go to your friends, the plan is crap now. If you do this get a loan to go over there or ask for your friend to pick you up.
You need to find a women’s/children’s center where abused/battered women and children can go. You need to go there and stay there. I went to one once and they would not tell me where it was until the day I was on my way to the appointment because the abuser will force the information out of you. It is a safe house where you can go. What you need to do is go there and stay there. You need counseling which they can help you get and you need a plan. They can help you come up with a plan. The place I went even provided me with a lawyer for free so I could get divorced. I could have lived there with my daughter had I needed to, but my husband (now ex) was out of the picture for awhile so I didn’t need to. The people there can help you know what to do–how to change jobs, and hide, and how to get to your friend’s place out-of-state. They can also help you figure out how to get a restraining order etc. If you do not get out this man will/may kill you. He sounds controlling and men–unlike women–will kill their spouse so they don’t lose them (women kill to get rid of their spouse, weird, huh?)
Don’t wait another day! Find a place you can go and just go! Don’t tell him, don’t call from home. Call from work. And then go there from work.
PS. If you got to go without any stuff, go! Your life is more important than any personal belongings you could ever hope to have…
it needs a lot of GUTS to do that but you always have to put in mind TO ALWAYS THINK POSITIVE. DO NOT GIVE UP ON LIFE. as i always believe in, THERE IS ALWAYS THE LIGHT AT THE END OF EVERY TUNNEL. those thinking and conditioning has MADE ME THROUGH. now, i am free and well with myself. i love myself now than before. i am able to put out the best in me and i am MOVING ON smoothly and simply being at peace and happy. YOU CAN DO IT TOO.
Something you could do is to inform boss of your situation, and request cash instead of check; naturally your boss could explain to hubby on payday that corporate hadn’t mailed cheacks, yet and doesn’t know when they may come. With cash in hand, later on, call cab, then head to airport, and future freedom; don’t look back, nor call dictator hubby.
contact your local battered women’s hotline. They help both with all kinds of abuse. Ask someone if you can get a ride to the airport and ask your friend if she can get the ticket for you. Don’t leave anything behind except the pos male. Don’t let him know where you are at.
Marriage is a commitment. When you got married what kind of understandings did you have? You need to COMMUNICATE with him and tell him how you feel about him yelling at you and taking all your money. If he shows no improvement try marriage counceling. He sounds like he needs some therapy on his own. Maybe he isn’t happy either. Find out where you stand and don’t put up with any more crap.. IF he does try to hurt you call the police…Womens shelters are EVERYWHERE. The police will help you find one.
If you have a job…plan ahead now. Give notice to your job for the day you get paid. Get your check and leave an hour early from work. If you have no car, take a cab to a bus station and buy a ticket. Easy as that. My ex was like that except, i was a stay at home mom. He constantly yelled at me and the kids and made us feel like crap. He made us into virtual slaves. He bossed us around like he was a drill sergeant. He made us, run his bath, take out his clothes for him, bring food and drinks to him, take off his shoes and socks, open the gate for him, you name it. If i fixed something he didn’t like, i had to make something else. He constantly cheated and lied about it. Him leaving was the best thing ever. If you have to, file a restraining order and make him leave the home…Then you have plenty of time to plan. Good luck.
Open a checking account and have your pay direct deposited. Even if he is standing right next to you, say to the teller that you want to do this. He won’t yell at you in a public place, will he? And if so, let him embarass himself.
Don’t give him any money. Tell him you are saving up for that divorce he’s been asking for.
get help from friends and family and continue to hang in there. be strong
All of the answers are good. So it’s time for you. I am in a similar boat. He messed up by driving on a revoked license and have 6 DUI’s. His time is coming and then it will be mine. I’ve waited a long time for this. At times I wanted to die, drink, run, fight back, cheat, tear all his belongings up. I started to pray and I would tell him for everything wrong he did in his life will catch him one day, well, that day has come for me and I am happy. Not for his loss but my gain.
there two types of abusive men then one who will hit you just because the wind is blowing don’t mess with him you need to leave him but when you do make sure your around some people. The other one is just abusive because hes scared to stand up to another man so just tell him your going to call the police and if he backs off you know which one you have. you can stand up and get yours or wear him out. i don’t know the whole situation but if you show fear he’ll feed off of it. don’t show it and who cares what he calls you just say it takes one to know one or point out how perceptive he is be a smart ass make him feel stupid. when your tired and i mean really tired of it you’ll get out no matter what you’ll get out…if your really tired of it. every one is born with a joy for life and no one should be able to take it from you.
No, he hasn’t chased you down and “forced you back under his control”. YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOURSELF to be forced back under his control. YOU have allowed him to take you to cash your checks and YOU have allowed him to take your money, and YOU have allowed him to do ALL of these things.
He cannot do these things if you do not allow it. Period.
Be very careful. It is during the phase of actually leaving that many, many women are killed by these abusive psychopaths.
Stop allowing him to take you to cash your check. Stop allowing him to take your money. Stop allowing him to do ANY of this crap. Just say NO. And don’t back down. If he hits you, call the police immediately and give them the same history of your relationship that you just gave us. He will be arrrested and you WILL press charges against him, you will NOT drop the charges, unless of course you want him to continue to abuse you.
Save up your money in a bank deposit box or somewhere he cannot find it. When you have what you feel is enough, wait until he is going to be gone for a good while one day, pack up what you want to take with you, and call a cab and get out.
Do not leave ANYTHING behind that he can use to find you. Phone bills even with your friend’s number in another state, burn them. Anything at all that will give him any idea of where you’ve gone, get rid of it permanently, dont just throw it in the household trash can. Burn it.
Hide out at a women’s shelter for at least a couple of weeks before taking the bus to your friend’s house in the other state.
Then get your head examined so that you can learn what it is inside you that is so dysfunctional that you allowed yourself to give permission to a psychopath to control you like this, or to even get involved with someone like this in the first place. Seriously, Im not kidding. Unless you do this, you’ll end up time and time again with the same kind of guy, and you may as well stay with this one if that’s what you’re going to do.
Girly, what did you get yourself into?
You must leave him ASAP! He is a controller and an abuser and if you stay, he will strap you down with babies and call you so many rotten things until every ounce of your self-esteem is utterly gone. An abusive man must be left early — the earlier, the better. You’ve already encouraged him by returning once. The next time, you must make sure that you do not return — under ANY circumstances. The longer you stay, the more power you give to him. He will begin to believe that he owns you and that you will do exactly what he says. Soon, he will be threatening to kill you if you leave him. He may not have hit you yet, but do not give him the time to do so.
Get yourself together and plan your escape. You should contact some kind of agency or women’s group if you don’t have the means. Someone out there will help you. DO NOT GIVE UP!
I don’t care what he says. Men like him are self-centered and selfish. Don’t believe any claims of true love. He doesn’t love himself and he’s certainly not going to love you, but he can put on a great act and cry crocodile tears. You have only been husband and wife for TWO years. This is a very bad sign of worse things to come if you remain there.
You should be angry. You should get darn MAD! So many of these stupid men are rotten husbands, yet they expect a woman to stay with them. This isn’t what you signed up for did you? He’s basically USING you as a meal ticket.
I’ll tell you straight: You my dear, are married to a bum. You let him know that YOU are angry. He wasted your time and you must believe that you can do much, much better. You do not want a man like that to be fathering any children you may have.
Don’t allow any man to chase you down and force you back under his control. How can he do that? He can’t unless you let him. It’s as simple as that.
You must push yourself past your discomfort and make it happen one way or another.
Best of luck and my prayers for you.
guess what TIME TO GROW UP!!!!!! how do you leave? you go to the front door turn the handle say by by a—- and go. and dont look back
Be a f’n woman and move the hell on. What the hell is wrong with you. Did you actually read what you wrote? This is ridiculous. You are not a child. Get out before he does start hurting you, better yet before you have children to get hurt by him. Leave dummy.
where do you live and how much money do you need to get to the friends house that said they would put you up for awhile. I ask this because I am in a very simular situation and trying to make a plan of escape myself, however I have a 10 yr. old and I encourage you to get out now!!! I have wasted 20 + years of my life at this point. I should have got out when I was younger. I feel like if there is a way I can help someone . Then God will open the doors for me as well. Please let me know. Kim W.